life is like a box of chocolates...

Pretty much 8 more days 'til I fly out.

I'm getting more and more apprehensive.

I'm sad to leave yet excited and then scared again.

I'm sad to leave this place because I've adjusted here and I like it.  I have so much family here.  It's great having my mama around again.

Excited though to go home.  Be surrounded by familiar things, places, people, foods, etc.  I can't wait to see my dad and the lil bro.  Can't wait to watch some real football.  Wake up and know AlberTaco's or In 'n Out is only 10-15 minutes away.  I even miss driving- being able to just go somewhere and be alone- there's just too many people in this city.

Scared because I don't know how I'm going to pick up my life in the states.  Apprehensive about being able to re-adjust.  I feel like those weeks between my brother leaving and me going back to DC- I'm just going to be alone with no one to hang out with, slipping in some awkward state of isolation and non-social interaction.

I think I find all of this awkward.  Actually, I think I find my entire life to be awkward.  Things just happen in my life.  I wish I had more control of it, but at the same time- things aren't that horrible- I mean I've ended up this far.

I really can't believe I have just about a week and a few more days here.  Three months have gone by so quickly.

I'm really excited for my last village trip though.  To taste that sweet milk tea, that fresh air and just be surrounded by the open country side one more time- I think it's nearly the perfect way to end this trip.  I'm sure I'll post a few more times after this, but just wanted to say thank you to those who have followed and checked up on me; the thoughts and comments were tremendous on keeping up my morals through the latest period that is my life.

In the end that's what it is about right? LIFE.  We only have this one short period in existence to do what we want to do.  I'm as guilty as the next person in taking it all for granted and going through the motions just to get by.  But, once you break from it, look at things in another perspective- I personally have begun to slowly and little by little have begun to appreciate it all.  I guess it's then appropriate that around thanksgiving- I am once again thankful for the life I have, my family, my friends and just about everything.

ps. I'm still unmarried and will be so when I get back..so HA!

Love,

Mahbub "unmarried" Sarwar

I should update, but I won't

Quickie:

Things are going alright.

Mom comes to the motherland tomorrow at 8 in the morning.

Going to my last village trip this Sunday (decided that just now).

Still have a lot of shopping to do, if you want something let me know and I'll see if I can get it for you.

I'm going to miss so many people and so many of the things that have made this trip amazing and Bangladesh- well Bangladesh.  I only hope the country improves in all facets so the people have a better life and are able to reach their full human potential regardless of class.

Did I mention my mom flies in tomorrow morning?  I feel as if my single days are numbered...

-Mahbub

insert witty title

Hello again!

So let's see.. some things have changed since the last time I updated while others have not.  I think by coming here and doing this internship I hoped I'd grow as a person and mature, but I don't know if I've grown or matured much in these last few months.  I won't lie, but I feel like a kid compared to some of you reading this.  Some of you just seem so much more in control and focused in your lives where I'm still laughing at that's what she said jokes.  That might be a weak example, because let's face it- we all laugh at that's what she said jokes, but seriously- sometimes I just wish I could be 100% serious and focused.

Onto other things tho- so a crazy story.  Couple of weeks ago a few friends and I go out to dinner.  Dinner was good- conversation was great and around 11 30 we end up finishing dinner and just loitering outside the restaurant trying to figure out what we wanted to do next.  We see a burned up car- take some pictures of that, some people have a quick smoke, overall we're just chilling.  We finally decide on a place and between 8 of us take 3 rickshaws.  I'm in the middle rickshaw which has three of us and the other two rickshaws have two people each.  Then not even two minutes in- I see a car speed up and suddenly brake in front of the first rickshaw where a guy climbs out of the passenger side and pulls on the camera bag of my friend; he pulls so hard that she falls of the rickshaw, hits her head on the road- rolls and lies there motionless.  Car speeds away- we all get out and run to her where we see her slowly rolling in pain, blood everywhere, crying.  I have to say I was shocked, surprised, scared, I mean you name it- I prolly felt it.  But, yea luckily for us the hospital was 2 minutes away (it was opposite of the place where we had dinner) and we got her in the ER really quickly where it turned out no bones were broken and she just needed three stitches under her chin.  But, that incident has woken all of us up and reminded us how this country isn't exactly the safest and we need to be aware of our surroundings at all times.

Also, as some of you know-I've been sick for the past week.  I think it's a culmination of all the polluted air I've breathed in for the last two months and it's finally affected my lungs to the point where I feel as if my asthma has come back.  I've been feeling better lately now that I've taken some antibiotics and medicine specially for asthma patients.  I think I'll fully recover once I get back home and take in that fresh southern-californian air.  God, sometimes I obsess about going home.  I mean I am enjoying my time, but those times when I can't get a coffee, a good burger, a place to walk on the sidewalks, I just imagine how amazing it'll be when I'm home.

I come home on December 6, 2010 btw..leaving here on the 5th and landing at 8 in the morning the next day in LAX.  I feel so conflicted about it all.  I know I can't stay here forever, but I wish I could.  But, of course at the same time- DC is my home now and I can't wait to be back in 434 Buchanan St. 

For some of you- you'll realize what a significant sentence that last one was for me.  Oh, I've also been kicked out of school! Details on that some other time.  Hope everyone is doing well and I'll see some of you in less than 30 days!

-Mahbub

so I hear a picture is worth a thousand words

I think for this entry I just wanted to post pictures, but I've been thinking about something lately.  Maybe it's because of all the books I've been reading, but remember back to high school days when you had characters described as either flat, foil, round, dynamic or static?  I only mention it because in truth everyone is a dynamic character, people have feelings and emotions and their actions are never fully predictable.  And yet not everyone is a round, dynamic character to us.  Think of the person you meet just once or those people you interact with in the same setting every time.  They may be the most interesting person in the world, but you would never get to know that.  I think about the CNG driver who drove me here to the coffee shop, the only interaction we'll prolly ever have is the one in the morning.  He wanted 150 taka from me and I bargained him down to 120 taka.  Then after he drove me here, I paid him and said thank you.  That's it.  He may or may not have a family, he prolly has a lot of interesting stories, but I'd never get to learn or know about any of them.  But, I don't think that's the bigger point- I sometimes wonder why I don't want to get to know the stories of other people.  In the CNG I was just annoyed of the traffic and just wanted to use the internet here as quickly as possible.  This may be a bad example, but there are people I've known for a while who are just flat to me.  I only see them as a one-sided person- friends boy/girlfriend, classmate, co-worker, whatever.  I think it's just awkward for me to think of myself as a flat character in the eyes of others- because I'd like to believe I am a round, dynamic person.  I think I'm afraid of just becoming a flat person in your eyes and in your life.  That's all.





But, on a totally different side note... MORE PICTURES!!!!!!!

Playing Carrom in the village

TEA (I've become a huge fan of the tea in the villages)!!!!

Women in the center is the leader of the Centre (catch that?)

A Handloom Factory

new best friend

told you we were best friends

I'm really bad at this whole updating thing aren't I?

Well I have some good news..I finally found a place in Bangladesh where I can get decent internet connection- almost to the point where I think I can even download something if I want to.  It's of course in the posch part of town where the locals speak english and the foreigners try to speak bangla.  It's an awkward mix if you truly think of it, luckily for me I don't.  I've been at this coffee shop for almost 6 hours now and have only gotten one coffee and one brownie.  I'm beginning to slightly feel guilty for just now stealing their internet, but it really is the only way for me to get any work done.  Things are going alright here, nothing too amazing..actually that's a lie.  I had whitecastle last week.  Met a really awesome guy who works for the US Embassy, who took some friends and I back to his place and reminded me of how great home is.  God, I cannot wait to go home and take a long hot shower while eating a 4x4 from In N Out.  Yes, I really do plan on doing both at the same time; you can watch if you want to, but I'd probably have to charge now that I'm broke.  Broke!

(Side note: There is a table with 2 girls who keep glancing at me because I think they're shocked that I'm basically wearing pajama's in a fairly fancy coffee shop, I, however, can care less.  I've really started dressing down here and just speak english if anyone tries to talk down to me.  I think it's rude, but at times I feel like such a local that I just do it- I've even begun to haggle with the rickshaw drivers here).

I should probably pay my bill sometime soon.  Going out to dinner with some friends in a little bit.  I'm pretty hungry considering I've only eaten a brownie in the past six hours.  I don't think I truly realized that because I've just been so obsessed with this internet connection.

It's interesting to be at a coffee shop for so long, you see people come and go and wonder what they're doing and who they are.  It's making me think all of this is nothing more than a memory that will disappear from me years from now.  I wish I could hold onto all of my memories, but then I wonder what I'd try to live for.  I remember I've always told people that people are to a certain degree replaceable.  I think I say that to shield myself of having to get too close to people in case they ever chose to leave me.  I'm usually the one doing the leaving, don't really have too many people in my life who've left me.

I've been doing a lot of inward thinking lately, since I pretty much have this week off to take care of my life and prep for my new assignment for the month.  I'll be working in the social-business side of the organization and hopefully be part of a multi-million dollar deal- for me.  jk.

A part of me is also ready to come back home.  I kinda want to be surrounded by family and friends right now.  I can use some hugs.

This post is sounding way to emo- I'm not sad or anything, I think I've just hit a wall of sorts.  I need to refocus, gather up some energy and hit the ground running again.  I hope you're all doing well and thank you to those keep tabs on me through fb messages and e-mails.  You don't know how much they mean to me.

Heart you all.

-Mahbub

OH SHIT. HERE ARE SOME PICTURES!!!!!!!!

Friends and I at a Puja Festival

Rickshaws!

My friend Yao and I

I am alive (still)!

I apologize for not updating more frequently, but it really is a pain to go online in Bangladesh.  I've also been spending plenty of time in rural village areas where there is no internet connection and as I found out yesterday, neither phone connection.  Well more specifically my phone- as my wireless carrier didn't reach the village we spent our overnight trip in.  But, yea a few snips of life, I spent a full 5 days immersed in village life last week and I have to say, it really was one of the best experiences of my life.  Not sure if it was the people I met or just the fact that I could get away from city life- but it was great.  Travelled around meeting the many borrowers of Grameen Bank and hearing their stories and how they've used the loan money they have received.  There were some fantastic stories of how women first received a loan of about 20-30 dollars and now that their business have grown and expanded they can take out loans worth 700-1000 dollars.  I know that doesn't seem like a lot to us, but you can do a lot with a thousand dollars here if you invest it properly.  I also got to see struggling beggars who don't have proper businesses, but receive a loan of about 20 dollars to start maybe buying a chicken or toys to sell to children so they can make profit and stop having to beg.  It's a pretty interesting organization since they're so big in the country.  Like this week I got to tour they farmed fish ponds and a yogurt factory.  It was really good yogurt- it's a partnership with danone yogurt where the yogurt provides something like 30% of essential vitamins and minerals a child needs in their youth.  I'm still sort of perplexed about their loan repayment stat (nearly 98%) and funny accounting (paying their own organization to conduct tasks that should be done in-house),  but am glad there is an organization in Bangladesh that is doing something for the poor- since the government here is either incapable, or unwilling to do so.  But, when I'm not busy with my internship, I've done some good sightseeing of the country so far.  I really like the interns that I'm meeting- they all seem quite open, diverse and cultured- it reminds me of DC.  I think we have plans to visit a national forest, the old capitol and some other tourist destinations in the upcoming weeks.  Maybe I can take some pictures and post em.  Don't count on that though since the internet here really does suck.  I'm thinking of maybe having a slideshow party when I get back.  Oh, I'd like to thank everyone for wishing me a happy birthday again- it really does mean a lot to me to know you guys haven't forgotten about me..haha.  Wow, I'm like really bad at writing in a blog- it feels like I haven't written anything exciting or interesting, so I think I'll stop.  I'll update hopefully sooner than later about anything else new that pops up.  


PS. I'm still unmarried so whoever has their money on me coming back married, you're gonna have to wish a lil harder.

slowly losing track of the days

So I'm not exactly sure how long I've been here now, but I am starting to get into a groove and adjusting.  Not fully of course.  I don't think I'll ever fully be able to adjust.  There are some parts I don't think I should get used to, but that part comes later.  Eid went fairly well (made about $40) so I've a little more wiggle room with my expenses now that I'm broke; broke I tell you.  While it was great to visit family, feast like a king, and just plain celebrate the day I just couldn't get over what I saw in the morning after prayers.  I'm not a real religious person although I would like to believe I am a spiritual person, I've just never been a devout follower.  I chose to go to prayers because it was just the thing to do and while it wasn't anything amazing, it was just awkward to come to terms with what I saw after.  There were lines and lines of women, children and the elderly begging for money.  They were malnourished, hardly dressed and emotionally beaten.  I think we all know about poverty and agree it's a bad thing, but to see the level of poverty in the morning was eye opening.  I struggled with what word best described how I felt and eye opening seems right, but not the perfect choice.  I'm not sure what word I really mean because the level of poverty is nothing new, I've seen it before, but I had managed to forget it.  My mind amazes me at times at what it chooses to remember and what it hides away.  I've chosen to mostly remember the good things and forget about the faults and despair that is present in Bangladesh.  Today I went to the village where my mom grew up and on the ride there I saw a dog limping across the road.  Most of you know I'm a dog person and I wanted to do something, but then realized if people are half clothed and starving then what chance does a stray mut have?  I don't know how I'm going to reconcile or even react to these continuing situations I know I will face, but I'm glad I've become more aware of them.  I came here to hopefully do some good and that is what I hopefully will do.  In the mean time I hope you all are o.k. and doing well.  I'm a little hurt by the Raiders losing, but let's face it, it's the Raiders; losing is what we do best.

Last note: I've decided to post up songs once in a while since I'm getting plenty of alone time with my ipod.

Song: Stars
Artist: XX

"Stars"

Where Can You Get Coffee For 9 Dollars?

Hello! Hola! Bonjour! 

I'm alive!

So, I made it here in Dhaka without much hassle.  I mean I did think my luggage was stolen for the half hour I was waiting in the baggage claim spot to get my luggage, but other than that not so bad.  But, like I said the trip overall wasn't that bad.  Chris came to pick me up around 12:30, then went to Dolphin Bay with Anson and Chris and got to LAX around 2 for my flight.  Check in was a breeze and the plane ride was fairly smooth.  The six hour layover in Dubai was the only downside, it's also the place where I paid 9 dollars for a grande caramel frap from Starbux. 9 dollars. 9 dollars. 9 DOLLARS! Never again.  In the end I finally got to Bangladesh around 9 AM local time, came to my aunt's house where I prompltly passed out.

I have been doing that a lot these days.  I'm running on a schedule of 4 hour nap sessions, not sure if 4 hours qualifies as a nap, but for now I'd like to believe so.  I start my internship on the 15th so I still have a few days to get accustomed to the time difference.

Also, tomorrow is Eid.  It's a pretty big celebration here, kind of interested in how it goes since I haven't actually spent a real Eid (one that I remember anyway).  I hope to rake in some lost revenue (about 18 years worth) from the relatives on Eid money;  I mean I am a poor grad student.

That's about it for now.  Hopefully, I won't get run over or run anyone over tomorrow when I go visit random relatives.  Driving/Roads are here like something most people have never experienced.  I'll try to take pictures later.

-Mahbub

Numero Uno

So this is the first post.  It's currently 12: 45 AM and I'm 90% done packing.  This is pretty exciting, I'm not going to lie.  I mean I still have some loose things that I need to tie up cancel my cell phone, saying goodbyes, and whatever thing pops up at 4 in the afternoon, a hour before my flight.  But, yes I'm creating this blog so if you were ever curious what I'm up to you can just check up on your own.  I'm not sure how stable my internet connection is going to be, but hopefully I can update at least twice a week or so.  I also hope to make it fancy and put up some pictures, but don't hold your breath on that one.  So, yes that's pretty much it, for the first post. Actually no one more thing, if I've tagged you on this, know that I miss hanging out with you and will miss hanging out with you, but I will see you in a few months!

-Mahbub "Protik" Sarwar